ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
