wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
