it wasn't lemon gatorade
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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