We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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