Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she peed on how many people?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
