Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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