White coat. Heels.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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