Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
