I wanna bring you to show and tell
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
