She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
