oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
