I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
