The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
