She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
