You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
