I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
