I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
