I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
