I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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