If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
