I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
