sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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