I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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