Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
