I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
