Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
