Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
