3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
