Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i think my tv is drunk
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
