yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
