wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
