how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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