Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
