when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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