Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
