My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
