new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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