just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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