just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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