I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
