im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
