North Korea, Best Korea!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Randomize
