how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
