too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm sobbing to NWA
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
