you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
