You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
