i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
