That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
