Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
