I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
