my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
