i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
