she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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