he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
