I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
