Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
